I read a transcript of a sermon by the Rev. Billy Graham from a message given about 20 years ago. In that message he outlined six steps that is followed would help keep children from getting into trouble. In this series of articles I am covering each of those six steps. I do hope that you will follow each article and I further hope that these articles will bless you and your family as you strive to raise christian children. Here is Step #4.

Plan Family Activities That Include Your Children

It is amazing to me that families are doing less activities that include the children. The parents seem to be just as socially active, but baby sitters are being hired more and more to take care of children while the parents pursue their desire to “get away”. Are we to believe that they mean by this that they want to “get away” from their children? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding YES!. How sad. And we wonder why families grow further apart as the children age.

When parents realize that they are getting away from involving their children in family activities they will realize that the main reason is their attitude towards raising children. When they brought their children into this wonderful world, they brought along with them the responsibility to give their children the very best of themselves. To give to their children the love and attention they so deserve and at the same time give them a family that does things together. Please don’t mistake activities to mean, as one mother expressed to me, “Our family does everything together: my husband takes my son to soccer practice three days a week; I take my oldest daughter to dance classes every week; and five days a week my husband drops our baby off at day care and I pick her up. We do everything together.” No, I didn’t give her a definition of “together”, I was too shocked to even respond to her statement. But hopefully, those reading this article are in agreement with me that this example does not meet the definition of a family doing activities that involve the children that is referred to in this article.

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Here Solomon issues a bold challenges, particularly to those who are parents and instructors of children, to the propagating of wisdom, that it may not die with them. Train up children to prepare them for what they are designed for. Train them up, not in the way they WOULD go, but in the way they SHOULD go, the way in which, if you love them, you would have them go. It is true that many children indeed have departed from the good way in which they were trained up; Solomon himself did so. But the early training they received from their parents may be a means of their recovering themselves, as it is supposed Solomon did. At least the parents will have the comfort of knowing they have done their duty and used the appropriate means.

In planning activities that include your children your should first, consider the developmental levels of your children, then plan your activities based on individual maturity level. You can try more challenging activities to encourage them to progress, but remember that you want them to be successful at the activities. You certainly do not want them to get frustrated or bored with the activity. Also remember that your goals for each of your children may be very different. Family activities may be either 1) activities in and around the home or 2) activities that are part of a vacation. Either way, planning those activities for and with your children will make them feel more an integral art of the family.

Here are some suggested activities that we found both fun and beneficial for our children.

Activities In And Around The Home
When planning activities in and around the home it will require some sacrifices of time on the part of everyone in the family. Mom and Dad (assuming both work) are usually tired by the time they get home from work, eat dinner (supper for those of you in the south) and hopefully have a little time to relax. But your number one priority should still be your children. Why not set some evenings of the week for family activities (other than taking your kids to sports practice, dance lessons, music lessons, etc.)?

The number of children you have and their ages will dictate what activities will work best for your family. The listed examples we what we used for our family which included three children: 12-year old son, 8-year old son, and 4-year old daughter.

We planned our family evening activities around our children’s activity schedules and usually had two or three nights a week for family fun. Ideally, every night could be used for some type of family activity, but that is not being realistic in today’s busy world. For this article let us assume that you do have every evening available for a family activity is case your are blessed.

In our family, Wednesday night was set aside for church service. During the school year, we had to be very flexible. Not every activity had all the kids involved due to various amounts of homework. During summer vacation time, more consistency in full participation was possible. Exception: our 12-year old was the star pitcher on his baseball team and they played several night a week until the All-Star team lost in the regional tournament. Here is a sample of our family activities in and around the home would ideally be:

Monday evenings: Family Scrapbook Night
We put a lot of value in keeping our family scrapbooks. We had a separate scrapbook for each child and one for the family (we also had a scrapbook that was reserved for our family history: genealogy research). This may seem like “over kill” to some, but now that our children are grown, those scrapbooks are priceless to them. As each child left home, they took their individual scrapbook with them. We kept the “family” scrapbook and it stays on our living room coffee table as a proud reminder of our children’s lives from birth to present. We are still adding pages: GRANDCHILDREN!

Tuesday evenings: Family Game Night
Our family really enjoyed game night. It gave us as parents a way to teach our children the importance of being both a good loser and a good winner. We live in a competitive world and as our children enter into that competitive world they need to be prepared for winning and losing and how to handle both in a christian manner. We would choose games that would involve our 4-year old. She loved Skip Bo as she loved to count. Yahtzee was another game that gave our 4-year old lots of enjoyment. Our boys even enjoyed picking up the dice when she would throw them across the table and onto the floor. Lots of good laughs: lots of fun for all.

Wednesday evenings: Church Night
Where we attend church they have classes divided up in age groups so each of our children have their own class to attend where they not only grow their faith, but grow many friendships.

Thursday evenings: Food Fight Night
Just kidding, but hopefully I have your attention now. Thursday evenings we work together as a family in the preparation of a special meal that has been planned (the week before) by our children. We allow them to decide the menu for a four-course meal and then we divide up the preparation appropriately. For example, we do not our 4-year old to handle hot items like boiling water or deep frying. (I guess I just have a dislike for emergency rooms.) One of the kids favorite menus was: 1st course of an appetizer (in this case cheese bread; 2nd course of mixed salad; 3rd course of spaghetti and meatballs; 4th course Italian doughnuts “Sfinci”. Assignments: 1st course – our 8-year old; 2nd course – My wife and our 4-year old (talk about your “tossed” salad); 3rd course – me and our 12-year old (he really got good at meatballs!); 4th course – everybody. When meal preparation was over the kitchen did indeed look like we had a food fight. Great fun except for when it came time for clean up. But again, a great teaching tool for seeing a task through to completion.

Friday evenings: Football Game/Family Reading Night
During football season, we would go as a family to the local school’s football game. On the Friday evenings that the team was out of town we had our family reading time. We encouraged our children to read not only during this time, but whenever they had some free time. We would allow our children to chose a book to read and then involve everyone who could read to take their turn reading. As the years have passed we look back on our reading nights as special night of bonding as a family. Many of the books we read came from “Hooked On Phonics” material. We were very impressed with the entire “Hooked On Phonics” program. It deserves most of the credit for developing the reading skills in our children and their developing a love of reading.

Saturdays: Arts & Crafts /Community Service Day
As a family we are arts minded. My wife is an excellent artist, I have performed as a member of several symphony orchestras. We encourage our children to pursue their individual interests in the arts. One project we used to lead into activities that are part of a vacation is the creation of a Family Vacation Savings Box. We used a “cigar” box with our kids, but I have not seen a cigar box in years, so any sturdy box about the size of a cigar box should work fine. We decorated the box with pictures of the places we want to visit on our next family vacation. We tape it shut and cut a slot in the top. As a family we developed several strategies for having money available to actually place in our savings box. One that my 8-year old suggested was to take the money we saved using coupons for food purchases. He had helped his mother cut out lots of coupons so it is easy to see why he would suggest this. His mother and I agreed. Our 12-year old placed half of what he earned mowing lawns in the neighborhood. He currently is the leading salesman for a cell phone company and his experience early might have lead to this success. He informed all his customers how he was using half his earnings for helping with the family vacation fund and his client list grew over the years. Challenge your children to help save for the family vacations. You will be as amazed as we were how much more enjoyable the family vacations became.

As a family we are community service minded. Through our church we volunteer as a family to visit nursing homes, help with church and community events, and help many elderly or handicapped church members who need assistance with various tasks such as mowing lawns, cleaning their home, or preparing a healthy meal and taking it to their home. We wanted our children to grow to be caring and unselfish individuals. As we look back at those times we realize how close we became as a family because of our participating as a family in these activities. At first our children were not excited about “helping” other people, but after a very short time, the attitude changed. After each volunteering activity we would have a family meal at a local restaurant. We used the time during the meal to discuss how it made each of us feel to do what we had done. Our children would always mention “warm fuzzy” as a feeling after seeing the smile on the faces of the people we assisted. When we finally returned home we all felt a sense of accomplishment. Of all our volunteer activities, visiting nursing homes was our most memorable. You could see the appreciation in the faces of those wonderful people with whom we were privileged to spend some time getting to know.

Sundays: Church was our primary activity every Sunday. Being able to attend the church of our choice as a family gave spiritual strength to us as individuals and as a family. Worshiping together with our friends was a special time for our family. A time of spiritual growth and appreciation for each other as part of a loving and caring family. After most Sunday services we either had been invited to one of our friends’ homes for lunch or we had invited guests to join us at our home for lunch. Either way, it was a continuation of sharing with other people with like interests and our children strengthened friendships with our guests children. Sundays were truly a blessed day for our entire family.

Activities That Are Part Of A Vacation

So as not to turn this post into the length of a major novel, I will just simply state that the planning of our vacations were done by everyone in our family. It was our goal as parents to choose a vacation location that could be fun for every member of the family. We never had unlimited funds for vacations, but you would have thought by the stories our children tell of our trips that we did. The “Family Vacation Savings Box” money was dedicated to our children’s entertainment and their souvenir purchases. Also, to conserve funds, we tried to plan a vacation route that would include areas where we could visit relatives. (Our adult children now refer to our vacations as “Family Tree Vacations”) This served a dual purpose: saved us money on motels and gave us time to visit with family members we had not seen in several years. As an added plus we could also gather updates for our family history scrapbook.

We live in what is referred to as the Midwest section of the United States. Most of our family live in Tennessee, Oklahoma, and Texas. Two of our favorite destinations were Nashville, Tennessee and San Antonio, Texas. We had numerous activity choices in both. When we went to Nashville, we routed through Kansas City as our 12-year old was a fan of the Kansas City Royals baseball team. So, he wanted to go to a baseball game. Our 8-year old was taking guitar lessons, so he wanted to go to the “Grand Ole Opry” in Nashville. Being as both locations had theme parks, our 4-year old was quite satisfied to ride anything that was slow. My wife and I enjoyed all the selections our children made, we had to as they put up with our visiting the relatives on both sides of the family.

It is my hope that this article will encourage you, the reader, to start involving your children in your activity planning if you don’t do so already. If you are including your children in your activity planning, may this article give you some ideas to give your activities some variety. Raising christian children is such a challenge in today’s world. We as parents should be challenged to find as many methods as we can to involve our children in wholesome activities that will encourage them to consistently keep their focus on things eternal. May God bless your and your family!

Due to the change of economy, I have become more involved with assisting Family Businesses rather than just the corporates in finding ‘C’ level people. To do this successfully I believe that everyone in the process of hiring Senior Executives must understand the differences that separate the two entities. Having worked for an English and Indian Family Business in a past life this has helped me at first hand to see the ups and downs of these Businesses; this with a theoretical base has helped with running my own companies or advising others with theirs.

One recent company I have been involved with was run and founded by a successful New Zealand Entrepreneur. He does not have anybody in his immediate family to hand the reins over to. He has tried (outside the family) executives to fill his ‘C’ level roles and has had three people in three years! What is the problem? Was this a real Family Business? Was the Problem his, or the Executives?

We discussed the reasons for the failures but in terms of assisting the owner I got him to firstly look at where his people came from. All three had been ‘C’ level people in corporates and had done an excellent job in their corporate environment. They all returned to corporate life and continued to do well in their new roles. Why did they fail then in this successful company?

What I needed the owner to do was to identify a “Family Business”. I don’t normally use dictionary definitions but feel that in this instance Wikipedia gives a satisfactory explanation of a Family Business;

“A commercial organization in which decision-making is influenced by multiple generations of a family-related by blood or marriage-who are closely identified with the firm through leadership or ownership. Owner-manager entrepreneurial firms are not considered to be family businesses because they lack the multigenerational dimension and family influence that create the unique dynamics and relationships of family businesses” Wikipedia 2014.

We looked at his company and although he didn’t have anyone in the immediate family to take over the reins he had people who owned the company in minor leadership roles. We both agreed he did in fact have a Family Business.

He thought that buying in top salaried ‘C’ level Executives from corporates would enhance growth and sustain his business. He had not seen any differences between Family and Non-Family Business.

Urban Myths for Family Businesses;

All are unstable Small to Midsize businesses’.
As an Executive I don’t want to baby sit the junior family members so they can take over my job.
A non-family member will never run the company.
Mother and Father Companies, the only people that matter in the company are family members.
Emotional hard to work places due to family disagreements/arguments.
Incompetent family members in positions of authority.
Are these statements true or are they just Urban Myths?

Family businesses are one of the fastest growing sectors of the world economy and now merit serious consideration by Senior Executives looking to advance their careers. This is an amazing turnaround from 25 years ago when nobody wanted to work for a family-owned business. There now seem to be many positives;

Patricia Epperlein from InterSearch reports that;

In the USA, 90% of businesses are family-owned. They contribute towards 40% of that nation’s GNP and pay approximately half of its total wages.

59% of France’s Top-500 industrial companies are family-owned.

It is estimated that 70% to 85% of all businesses worldwide are family-owned.

Tom O’Neil NZ Herald. Jan 2014 states;

Small to medium businesses are the lifeblood of New Zealand industry. Various sources cite family businesses as representing 75 per cent of Kiwi firms, providing up to 80 per cent of employment and 65 per cent of national GDP.

It’s interesting to note that when companies around the world state that they are a “Family Business” they are trying to reinforce positive family values of, Integrity, honesty, trust and loyalty.

Not all Family Businesses’ are SMEs. Companies like;

Porsche
WalMart
Tata Group.
In New Zealand the Talley Family (Agribusiness) and the Pandey family (Hotels).
Simon Peacocke of BDO Auckland, an accredited Family Business Advisor works with numerous NZ Family Businesses and feels that they do well because of the following reasons;

Family businesses think very long-term and are very resilient, much more so than non-family businesses.

Second and third generation family business members start their apprenticeship at a very young age. At 5 years old they are hearing their parents talking about the business so they have an incredible depth of knowledge to draw on.

Their relationships with staff and communities also tend to be different – closer, more connected, more loyal.

Staff tend to become part of the family business and to stay on as long-term committed employees.

While corporates like to be seen supporting their communities, family businesses generally don’t promote they are doing this – they just do it.

They don’t throw lots of money at things trying to get rich quick.

They also have a powerful focus on building relationships with staff, customers and suppliers.

So is it worth working for a family company? Is it better to work for a Non-Family Business? Is there any difference when the economy is good or is in a slump?

Nicolas Kachaner 2012 in the Harvard Business Review states,

“Results show that during good economic times, family-run companies don’t earn as much money as companies with a more dispersed ownership structure. But when the economy slumps, family firms far outshine their peers. And when we looked across business cycles from 1997 to 2009, we found that the average long-term financial performance was higher for family businesses than for non-family businesses in every country we examined”.

Senior Executives looking for longevity in the work place should look at the Family Business as this would take them through economies varying peaks and troughs. They will need to be aware that this will always be done in a cost effective way.

Business Consultants believe that they can tell easily if the company is Family or Non-Family Business. You just walk into the Head Office. A Non-family office has a very substantial corporate office with a “Wow Factor”. The Family business being more Frugal has very few “Bells and Whistles”. This Frugality is about the Family Business CEO looking to invest in the long term 20 year plan with the business passing down the generations. The Non-Family CEO is looking to make an instant mark and will try and outperform the person they have taken over from. There are many studies that show that Family Businesses did better in the recent Global recession for the above reason. The Family Business is frugal in the good times and the bad allowing them to weather the storms of economic crisis.

This is one of the factors that had been wrong in my client with three ‘C’ Level people in three years. His ‘C’ level people came in with a quick turnaround plan which they hoped would give a quick fix and outspending the last person in the hope that they would do something instantly. No twenty year plan for them as they had never been afforded this way of working in the past.

Do Family Businesses perform differently in other countries?

Justin Craig, PhD states,

“Interestingly, in many aspects family businesses as a sector do not vary much from country to country. There are obvious cultural differences but a business with family involvement is challenging in every country. It is also more rewarding than the ‘corporates’, let’s not forget that. Of course, there are older businesses in Europe, for example, than in Australia and New Zealand and the United States, and the mind-sets of companies in Europe will differ than in the later developed countries. But day to day the differences are not noticeable. Older businesses have more at stake and lots more to lose but they also have advantages. Family leaders still have to manage three independent and interdependent systems being the family, the business and the ownership group”.

Appointing the right Senior Executives is crucial to any company and is a costly acquisition. There are many reasons why hiring at this level goes wrong but getting it right can make a huge difference to your company.

To answer one of my questions, can a ‘C’ Level person work in any type of Business, Family or Non-Family?

Yes, but only if they are armed with the knowledge of the differences of the two. What they must also be sure of is the type of business that they are going to work in as sometimes this can be a cloudy issue, making it difficult for them to decide which one it is. Look at those mighty corporate companies of Porsche, Tata and Walmart to name a few.

Finding the right ‘C’ Level Executive is a lengthy process and shouldn’t be rushed, if you need to rush you are better to go down the Executive Leasing Route in the short term which will allow you to take a breath and get the right permanent person in place. Work with your inside team or your outside partners to establish a good process, so the firm can articulate the process to the Senior Executives. Everyone appreciates the fact that there is a well thought-out plan in place.

For me, I decided a long time ago not to build a Famil

“Nothing,” she replied. “Mine was so extremely dysfunctional. My father is always drunk, my mother always beat kids. My brothers and sisters already got out of the house and I do not know what they are already doing and where they are. It(Family) is just something that I wish for that I know I will never have.”

A HAPPY FAMILY. Are you also one of the people who are in a quest for this?

Filipino family ties during the early years are superior examples of in high spirit, nurtured families. Other countries would envy how we do things all together — dine, go to church, watch a movie, shopping, go in an, how the whole family would go together to the airport when a family member arrives, how parents are very much supportive to their children’s concerns and a lot more. But now, for many, that was just BEFORE. Before when families are still given much time, attention and care.

Many Filipino families nowadays still carry out the picture of the healthy family like we used to have before. But as of these days also, reality speaks that the country whom many people envied of its close family ties already brought into being a high number of broken homes and unwanted families.

My imagination pictures a scenario where I am walking on the street one day and I meet a child wiping his tears.

“Why are you crying?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you lost? Where are you from?”

“No. I live there by the nearby kanto where people would always hear the loud cries of children, where father and mother always let plates, saucers and our things at home fly.”

“Huh? Why? Who is your father by the way?”

“I do not know. When father enters our house drank, expect a plate to fly again. My mother use to name him ‘Bitch’ and I call him the same. I have no idea of his real name rather. And I do not care. Our house is like just a hell of ‘bitches’ and ‘demons’ as they call each other there.”

“What about your mother’s name? Maybe I know her and I can talk to her.”

“Never mind. My father calls her ‘Crazy’ and I call her the same.”

“Ah. So where are you going then?”

“I’ll go find my friends. I will invite them to have some cigarette and liquor to somewhat forget this feelings for a while.”

As a Filipino, would I feel great? As years outdo, instead of family ties becoming firmer and firmer, relationship between family members came to be weaker and weaker.

Have you tried having a look to some old photos of your parents during their graduation days? They may not graduated with flying honors but can you notice on the pictures the presence of all siblings, parents and some relatives during that special day? Probably, you would. But in our present-day generation, you can even witness an honored student in tears while receiving her medals, ribbons, and certificates with just his great grandmother with him who could hardly walk already.

Currently, youth would enjoy dropping out of school, joining fraternity groups, being engaged in premarital sex and some are now officially called “batang ina” or “batang ama”. As a matter of fact, in the Philippines, 1 out of 3 aged 15-24 years old youth have involved themselves in premarital sex and 14 percent of girls aged 15-19 are already a mother. WHAT A WORRISOME NUMBER!

Researchers, with all their bests provided us all the reasons and causes why these things are being enjoyed by youth in order for solutions or preventions to be made. Peer pressure, lack of self-esteem, fear of rejection and many more came out – almost all pointing the blame to each child’s FAMILY.

Many would define the word FAMILY as the circle where they started to have Fears; for others, it is a dwelling where Anger reigns; it is also where others experienced being Maltreated; it is the circle where others feel Insecure to be with; for some it is something they never Long to be with anymore because of the experiences they had, and for others it is like hell where they always hear shouts and Yells.

On other family cases, my heart would cry for a friend who tries to live life with the best she can but inside her, she’s in a journey of looking for a father she has never seen since birth; for a friend who would embrace me with tears saying,”it would even be easier for me to know he’s dead than to see her happily living with that monster.”; a friend who dropped out of school after his father took away all their earnings and slept with another woman; and a friend who cries every time she whispers her birthday wish to have their complete family back again.

Is this already the face of the family that God, with great love had given to men? A place where many cannot feel the things that they are supposed to. As the years would go, will children try their bests to define FAMILY in the most negative way they can? This is not God’s idea for families!

Youth, we are the hope of our nation. In the years to come we should not let families become worse and worse. We can no more bring those days when our country is being envied of the close family ties. But we can do it again!

God designed the family as the smallest unit in the society. Yes, the smallest yet with the greatest purpose- for parents to mold the children’s values and attitudes, to help them start dreaming and to give them very positive outlooks in life. He conceived it as the heart of the society, church and nation. The well-being of a society, success of a church and prosperity of a nation all rest on the family influences. He created family ties to be the closest, most tender and sacred on earth because He wants to bind the life of the nation with love.

Everyone has a family. Even the animals have. Many would say they do not have because they do not let themselves be called a part of the family they belong to since they do not want to be embarrassed. We may not be enjoying the family where we belong right now but we can never do otherwise, we cannot chose.

To those who are very much enjoying the company of a happy family, God is so happy watching over you. But! you will not be allowed forever to be hidden under the wings of your parents. God wants you to have your own family in the right time too.

And for you who, until now are still longing for a successful family which will be the complete opposite of the never-been-happy family they have at present, your dreams are all dependent in your hands.

The desired family we are all aiming for all starts with the most careful, most wise and Godly decisions.

As a young lady, who am I not to dream for my own happy, healthy and nurtured family in the future too? But the family, actually, does not excite me. What excites me most is when I would walk along the isle as a 777 bride between the golden-colored, sweet scented flowers along a very peaceful, solemn church wedding.

Like any other women, I am really much motivated for this great event since I thought it would be where the happy ever after and the happy family would get underway. But unfortunately, I was wrong.

A happy ever after all begins with what you are now – how you make decisions in life today pictures what you are going to have in the future. Do not daydream too much of the wedding. Have a high standard of goal with the family you are going to have. Because with these childish daydreaming for extravagant weddings, I tell you, many were married but are mismatched.

Be cautious! How you handle things today is what you will become tomorrow.

Reality check in today’s courtship practices, are they all approved in Christ’s standard? Gone are those days when suitors are obliged to meet the parents first. Welcome to the generation where young ladies and gentlemen meet in secrets and do things in secrets without the knowing of their parents.

Ellen G. White strongly reminds us that we should not trust too much to impulse. Remember, love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. On the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature, it is wise and discriminating, its devotion is real and abiding and is a pure and holy – a high and noble principle.

Great care should be taken in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions. We should weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom we would like to link our destiny. Let our minds dwell upon spiritual subjects. Give ourselves constant vigilant self-instructions.

Sitting up late, on the other hand at night is customary; but it is not pleasing even if we are both Christians. These untimely hours injure health and have an appearance of evil.

” Satan knows what elements he has to deal with and he displays his internal wisdom in various devices to entrap humans to ruins,” Mrs. White wrote.

“A young man,” she added, “who enjoys the society and friendship of a young lady unknown to her parents does not act a noble Christian part toward her and toward her parents. Through secret communications and meetings, he may gain an influence over her mind but in doing so, he fails to manifest that nobility and which every child of God will possess.Thou shalt not steal was written by the finger of God on the tables of stone yet how much underhand stealing of affection is being practiced today?”

Be wary!!! We know not how a 16-year-old mother dealt with her early pregnancy plus her parents’ reaction with it plus the murmurs around and how she would deal with the family she is going to have that she never liked and dream of. Do we still want to bear the same feelings as she did?

Choosing a life partner stage, when taken unwisely is the most effective means of destroying the youthfulness and the supposed-to-be very bright future of us.

As a woman, before uttering the words “I do” try to consider the characteristics of the man first. Is his life pure? Can you find true peace in his affection? Has he the traits that will make you happy? Is God the foundation of his life?

And as a man, consider some things too about the woman you are deeply in love with. Will she bring happiness to your home? Will she be patient and painstaking? Will she take your parents as her own too? Does she have God in her life?

“No one can effectually ruin a woman’s happiness and usefulness and make life a heart sickening burden as her own husband and no one can do one hundredth part as much to chill the hopes and aspirations of a man, to paralyze his energies and ruin his influence and prospects as his own wife,” White explains in her book Growing a Happy Home.

Take heed! A little time spent in sowing wild oats will produce a crop that will embitter a whole life. And an hour of thoughtlessness may turn the whole current of life in the wrong direction.

Excited with your wedding? Have you prayed hard for the BEST partner? Again, with the most careful, most wise and Godly decisions are where a happy family begins.

The next important factor towards building a happy family is knowing the great responsibilities laid on your shoulders as parents. Family was not given by the Lord to become a trial and error for the people who wants to find genuine happiness and the real meaning of their lives. Family is a sacred tie that needs to be well and carefully planned by the parents to whom God has placed the greatest responsibilities in a family.

Therefore, before getting into this, both the lady and the gentleman should know the obligations God wants them to perform not only as a husband and wife but also as a mother and a father.

Firstly, to the future wives and mothers. Your primary role is often seen as providing a home first for your husband. In addition, Colossians 3:18 clearly states that ” Wives, submit to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.” Submission means a lot of things- to love your husband in words and in deeds, to be willing to be a part of him and to do only good to him. Serve him when he comes home from work, pray for him every time you would pray for yourself, be open to him and be willing to take your in-laws as your own parents too.

Another big charge to a wife is becoming a mother – to provide the safe and secure environment in which your children can grow and flourish, develop their personalities and talents to move out into the world where they proceed to blossom into being their own person.

Mrs. White expressed, “many ladies, accounted and well-educated are shamefully ignorant of the practical duties of life.” Therefore, a lady, before getting married should have a thorough knowledge of the household duties as a wife and a mother. Your beauty and talents have nothing to do with your family life that much rather than playing the simple, practical duties daily for your family. Who cares if you can graciously play the piano but cannot cook for the family? We should never forget the very common saying that personally comes out from our mouths — “IDLENESS IS A SIN.”

The range of interventions available to families is considerable. The health, mental health, social service, pastoral care, and educational systems all deal with family problems. The field of marriage counseling has specifically focused on one aspect of the family, and family service agencies handle all aspects of the family. For faltering families the marital relationship is the most important locus: marriage counseling or marital couple therapy may be useful. For families with more serious problems, self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Parents Without Partners, and Parents Anonymous are available in most communities. Child psychiatrists deal with the range of child, adolescent, and family problems.

The fit between clinical resource and a family is critical. Ethnic and economic factors may override psychological issues. Every clinical resource sets some limit on the range of factors it can work with in both diagnosis and therapy. These limits evolve out of the history peculiar to a given clinical setting, the training backgrounds of professionals, the socioeconomic sur¬roundings, and the nature of the social pressures.

Motivating Families for Therapy

Professionals should be sensitive to the misunderstanding, hesitation, and fear in family members as they approach help.

Each family member’s level of sophistication about psychological problems and openness to using a mental health resource varies. At the least education of the mem-bers of the family is required so that an intellectual understanding of the reasons for working with the family can be achieved. This step often is omitted with resulting misunderstandings.

Troubled families are the most likely to lack insight and even the strength to engage in family therapy. Their defensive maneuvers may he so extreme that engaging the family in therapy may depend upon equally skillful maneuvering by the therapist or the external pressure of agencies, such as the schools and the courts. If given a choice, many of these families would either drop out or limit their involvement to supporting treatment of the identified patient. Their denial and projection are particularly difficult to handle.

Ferreting out the family’s expectations of therapy is an important step toward assessing their motivation For change. For example, because dominated families involve both family and individual psychopathology, they often lodge their concerns upon a single identified patient. The other family members may not be disposed to see themselves as a part of that person’s problem and certainly not as the focus of therapy. When an attempt is made to involve the family, the parents may withdraw and look for someone who will “help”. the family member identified as a patient. As a strategy, the therapist may need to appear to join the family in its efforts to change the symptom bearer as a means of involving the entire family with the passage of time.

Conflicted families usually, require intensive family therapy in addition to consultation to other systems. such as the schools, social services, and law enforcement agencies. Chaotic families are the most difficult to engage in family therapy because their views of reality are not congruent with their social milieu. Hospitalization, medication, and consultation to other agencies may be necessary. in order to provide a foundation for family therapy.

A delicate issue in motivating families for treatment is how to separate a clinician’s responsibility to assist the family from the family’s responsibility for change. This is a problem especially when other agencies are involved with the family. For example, both school personnel and parents may look to a clinician for answers about a child. In these circumstances the clinician must carefully keep the child and the family in the position of responsibility and work through them for inter-system negotiations. Unsuccessful management of this issue can make the clinician a scapegoat by permitting both the parents and school personnel to expect that the therapist is responsible for changing the child.

From the educator’s point of view, it is important to he aware of the complicated role of the family in a child’s school problems over which educators and parents find themselves in conflict. Some parents obtain satisfaction from this fight, because they were embittered by their own past unhappy school experience and find this opportunity to retaliate. The child has an especially important role to play in this manipulative struggle. In the battle over who will control the helping process, if the school and clinical team are not coordinated, a family can find a weak link and defeat both. An effective position for school personnel in these situations is to recognize that no one can help the child until everyone works together.

The Techniques of Family Therapy

The theories and techniques employed by family therapists vary. widely. General systems theory, however, provides a rationale for integrating them.

The aims of family therapy are to promote the basic functions of the family. Forming a family unit assists adults in appropriately disengaging from their families of origin. The functions of a family relate to intimacy between family members in the form of attachment bonds and empathic communication, which can be fostered through increasing sensitivity to others and risking exposure of one’s personal vulnerability. As the heart of the socialization process, the family is the vehicle for imparting cultural customs and values through the process of identification and through learning coping skills. The family also is the forum for safely expressing transient irrational emotions and accepting them from others. In the family the irrationality of life can be accepted by acknowledging the differences between the way things should be and the way they are, between expectations and reality, and between verbalizing socially unacceptable emotions and wishes and acting upon them.

The barriers to healthy family functioning are stereotyped roles enacted by family members based upon covert scripts that are incongruent with family functions. Examples of these roles are victim, martyr, hero, tyrant, scapegoat, saint, rebel, fool, and genius. These roles are played out from ritualized scripts that maintain immature, destructive relationships and frustrate the individuation and development family members. Family therapy creates awareness of these counterproductive scripts and roles through confrontation, interpretation, playfulness, and humor in order to foster flexibility in family members within legitimate family roles.

The techniques or family therapy include behavioral, structural, and intuitive methods. The accumulation of clinical experience is demonstrating the usefulness of employing a range of techniques in an integrated style of therapy. The family therapist can assist families to more realistically function by acting as a catalyst who facilitates interaction; a critic who describes behavior; a teacher who shows new ways; a supporter who gives license and hope; an interpreter who offers explanations of behavior; a provocateur who stimulates interaction, and a model who demonstrates solving problems.

Because of its highly structured nature, the Milan method of family therapy has been employed for training purposes. It involves a therapeutic team that helps families through confronting them with more realistic views of their family interactions while encouraging family members to achieve more adaptive levels of relating to each other.

The Process of Family Therapy

Once a family becomes engaged in the therapeutic process, a varied and exciting course of growth may ensue, or the process itself may be impeded by resistance that must be worked through in order to achieve the aims of therapy.

Family members usually have linear cause-and-effect views of what goes on in the family. For example, “Jimmy’s restlessness gets us all upset.” The aim of family therapy is to shift the level of understanding from this simplistic and partially correct view to an interactional system level. An important technique for accomplishing this is through encouraging family members to comment on each other’s relationships in the family. This both opens up communication and focuses attention on interactions within the family.

Through a variety of reframing statements additional information can be given to a family to encourage more accurate interactional and psychodynamic understandings of the determinants of symptoms in family members. For example, the success that a child achieves through failing in school and sabotaging adults can be contrasted with the view of the child’s behavior as simply negative. As a family grapples with a child’s problem. their frustrations and discomforts become evident and permit redefinition of the problem in terms of family members’ personal sufferings rather than the problem child’s behavior. New communication lines ran be opened, so that an awareness of the family’s role in a child’s educational difficulties can add a crucial dimension to helping the child. The family can then realistically support the educational program for their child and assume a parent-professional alliance with school personnel.

Some parents, however, remain involved in the genesis and perpetuation of their children’s school problems. Handicapped by inflexibility, this kind of family is stable and inclined to deny the educational problem and becomes upset when the severity of the problem diminishes.

In troubled families, the double bind is a frequently encountered interactional pattern that can have devastating consequences for family members enmeshed in it. In essence, the double bind is a covert relationship in which one person has power over the other, who cannot escape. It has two important components. The first consists of paradoxical injunctions in which the less powerful member of the dyad is given conflicting messages either through impossible injunctions, for example, “be spontaneous” or through the nonverbal contradiction of verbal messages, for ex¬ample, a parent’s statement ”don’t worry about me” in an anxious tome of voice. The second component occurs over time in which the paradoxical injunctions lead to repetitive behavior patterns. The participants provoke the very behavior from each other that they deplore through incongruous behavior. For example, a mother criticized her silent daughter and encouraged here to express her feelings. When she did, however, the mother broke into tears with, “How can you feel that way after all I have done for you? Then the daughter became silent, eliciting her mother’s criticism again, because she was not speaking.

During therapy these resistant families act like well-drilled teams. When inter¬viewed together family members may feel persecuted, become confused, find it hard to think of anything to say, be preoccupied with and silent about the same secret, agree on a fabricated version of a touchy incident, or start arguing with one another and then blame the therapist for upsetting them.

These families typically employ power plays that maintain the status quo. For example, one set of parents nagged their adolescent son into being a “good boy.” To qualify he had to be passive, compliant, infantile, and sexless. When he rebelled his mother histrionically went to bed with intense heart pains, presumably induced by the son, and the father expressed the horror of one who had sired a homicidal son. Another mother coached her son in reading even though the drills ended with both in tears and obviously impeded her son’s motivation to learn. Other parents are so punitive when their children get poor grades that the children retaliate by failing even more.

A specific aim of one family script is to maintain the symptom. As an illustration, one family with a retarded reader convinced their son that he was doing as well as might expected in view or his presumed limited intelligence. They denied clinical reports that his intelligence was normal and disparaged the validity of the tests. Another aim of a family script is to maintain the acceptability of the family’s public image. For example, a family maintained the image of cheerful cooperativeness with no problems apart from their son’s retardation in reading.

Scripts also protect a family’s secrets. For example, when one son began to talk about the “skeleton in the closet” in a family session, the others started conversations on unrelated subjects. If he persisted, they continued to divert the discussion to peripheral topics or tried to talk him out or his opinion.

Some children improve in schoolwork while acquiring a new emotional or behavioral problem. In this maneuver, the children maintain their scapegoat functions in their families and do not have to deal with upsets, which would follow relinquishing their problem roles. Thus they help keep their families from becoming unstable. If the new problem is addressed therapeutically, the members of these families close ranks. They offer carefully reasoned excuses for missing appointments. They accuse therapists of using ineffectual treatment methods and may discontinue therapy. One parent simply said, “I can’t stand any more talk about me. If we have to do that, I would rather have Bryan stay in special ed.”

PARENT EDUCATI0N

Parents benefit from insight into their children’s problems, but insight alone is not enough. They need help in learning to change the emotional climate in the home.

Parent-guidance materials are important means of assisting parents to understand and to cope with a child’s characteristics. Training in parenting skills also is useful. This is particularly needed in developing communication skills through listening, talking with children, and verbal problem solving as employed in Parent Effectiveness Training. Effective communication is basic to the survival of all groups including families. More specific behavioral management techniques have been developed for hyperactive children. Literature is available to help parents play a more significant role in their children’s schoolwork.

Fostering communication between parent and child through parenting education can produce substantial gains in the competencies of children.

Babies and young children with difficult temperamental styles may cause their parents to feel threatened and inadequate with resulting unconscious rejection or scapegoating of the child. A difficult child and threatened parents, therefore, can set in motion a cyclic interaction that makes the child increasingly vulnerable. With older children parents need help in examining their childrearing techniques. Viewing themselves interacting with their children on videotapes can be particularly useful. They may unwittingly reinforce behavior problems through attention to misbehavior, double messages, failing to set limits, ignoring desired behaviors, and inappropriate punishment, all of which result in losing a child’s respect. Although striving for consistency is a laudable objective, still there are times when parental authority must be arbitrary and so acknowledged with children.

To effect a climate of communication, parents can motivate their children by helping them analyze their own behavior and select target behaviors for change. Family meetings are useful for exercising the democratic process, so that each member participates in decision making within appropriately defined limits. When the atmosphere in family meetings is conducive to discussion of problems with openness and dignity, parents can appreciate the importance of changing their own attitudes and listening to their children more carefully. Parent modeling of self-discipline, forgiveness, and a willingness to acknowledge mistakes promotes similar qualities in their children.

Parents can profit from an understanding of sibling relationships in which a mixture of pleasure, affection, hostility, aggression, jealousy, rivalry, and frustration is freely expressed. The sibling relationship can be profoundly important in shaping the development of social skills. At the same time, a younger sibling can languish in the shade of an overbearing older sibling.

Jack C. Westman, M.D., M.S., is professor emeritus of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. More information about parenting can be found in his book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child and Adolescent Psychology, Penguin Press, in bookstores and on amazon.com. More information about his background and interests can be found on http://www.jackwestman.com.

His latest book is Parent Power: The Key to America’s Prosperity is available on amazon.co

What family means to me is love and someone that will always be there for you through the good times and the bad. It is about encouragement, understanding, hope, comfort, advice, values, morals, ideals, and faith. These things are all important to me because it makes me feel secure and happy inside regardless of what is going on in my life. This is one of the main reasons why the family is important in our life. Here in this article it is important to emphasize on the importance of family in our everyday life.

Utmost Protection and Security

Family is important because it provides love, support and a framework of values to each of its members. Family members teach each other, serve one another and share life’s joys and sorrows. Families provide a setting for personal growth. Family is the single most important influence in a child’s life. From their first moments of life, children depend on parents and family to protect them and provide for their needs. Parents and family form a child’s first relationships. Family provides all members with security, identity and values, regardless of age. When a member of the family feels insecure or unsafe, he turns to his family for help. He learns about his sense of self and gains a foundation for the rest of his life. This foundation includes the family’s values which provide the basis for his own moral code. Spending time with family shows individuals the value of love, appreciation and open communication.

Following family traditions showcases the importance of family, as well. Family traditions are experiences that families create together on a regular basis, whether these involve holidays, vacations or even attending religious services together. Not only do these experiences create memories for years to come, they also give family members a stronger sense of belonging. Families bond together and make each member feel important.

First step of receiving basic values of life

A family is the first school in which a child receives the basic values of life. He learns good manners in the family. The morals and values learnt in family become our guiding force. They make our character. They lay the foundation of our thinking. I feel fortunate to be born in a family where values are inculcated in early childhood. Family is an important and strongest unit of society. It holds great importance in social life. A society is made up of families. Our family has been known for discipline and values. We give great importance to values and morals in life. Since our early childhood we are taught to respect the elders and love the children. We learnt the lesson of punctuality and honesty from our grandfather. It is due to the good education of our grandparents that we could excel both in sports and education. Since our childhood we have been put into the habit of rising early in the morning. This has a natural effect on our health and physical fitness.

Making a right choice in choosing the right life partner family values influences each walk of our life. It is high time that family values be protected and be treated as a tool to eliminate corruption, hunger, inequality, and crime and hatred in our society.

To shape a child’s future

The family is your blood and they are the people who accept you for who you are, who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what. The family is one and only place where your life begins and love never end. You may have lots of people in your life, but you won’t find a single person who cares the most exactly same as your parents. Some of you may not agree with me, but this is the truth that one day you will realize this by your own. A family is the only place where children study a lot after school. In school, teachers teach children about the subjects which will help them to find a good job in future. But in the home, Family teaches children about habits, discipline which not only help them to find a job but also help them to live a perfect life in future. So the family is very important for kids. When babies come out from mother’s womb, they see their parents first and thereafter they spent most of the time with their family until go to school. During that 3 or 4 years is really important for babies to get to know some basic habits from parents, sisters or brothers. So on that period, they get to know many things from family. None of you going to teach bad habits for your baby, I believe. Parents have to be careful in actions in front of their babies because your baby learns habits and discipline from you only.

This is one of the main reasons why the family is important in our life. This is one of the great advantages of family and none of us ever realize this at any time. You may have lots of friends or relations or office mates. They will definitely be with you in your happy times or any successful achievements. But, your parents or sisters or brothers are the only ones will stay with you in your hard and difficult times. Your parents are the only one who understands you much more than any other people do in the world. Because they are your creators and they are the only ones traveling with you from the beginning. So they understand your feelings and always there for you whenever you need someone abundantly. This is the power of family. There are many people can help you, but the family will help you whenever you are alone.

Helps building an ideal society

A perfect family is a great example of the whole society. Father, Mother, children all of them have to work in order to build a perfect family. If any one of them failed then the whole family collapsed. This happens very much nowadays. The good name of the whole family ruined by a single member of the family. That is really sad but nothing to do for that. But if every family member works hard and builds an optimal family, then they are a good example of that whole society. Family impacts very much in society and society impacts very much in the country. So an ideal country not only builds by the government but also each and every family member. So each family is the principal key to the society. This is why the family is important in our life.

Family values are a set of unwritten rules and codes that creates and helps build our perception, vision towards society and many things that we face in our day to day life. Strong family values can instill greater clarity in decision making regarding our life and leads to a relatively easier and more balanced life. Giving strong values as a parent not only protects a child but also create a civilized conscious citizen and help move society towards a more harmless tomorrow. Strong family values can help check all the moral and ethical corruption in various walks of life which otherwise ultimately contributes to inequality poverty crime and what not.

In today’s hard and fast world the most successful person are those who can take quick decisions about what they want from life. Family value that helps you distinguish what is morally correct and what suits your value system. Today the single largest task in hands of parents is protecting their children from outside influence which are majorly negative in nature. Injecting strong family values in child since childhood is one such measure that can ensure their safety in a time when direct supervision of child has become near impossible…

Strong source of spreading Love and Shelter

A family is like a nest. In it one can share laughter, joy, tears, successes, failures and problems. Everything becomes easier when you have someone to share. It is how we identify with others and how we view ourselves. It’s where most of us learn to trust or be trusted. It’s the longest and often times most valuable lessons on love and sacrifice, responsibility and organization of managing ourselves to meet the needs of others important to us. It is putting others before us. Family is not only about blood ties but about the love bond that exists whether friends colleagues, biological or adopted. It is respect and unconditional love No matter what. A family is the person who makes you smile when you feel sad. Your parents are like God, they always love you. The other thing is that a family is a very strong force that nobody can explain. Your parents are the ones that make you mad, but they always love you in the inside. If we didn’t have family, then who will care for the children? Nobody. A family is a forever thing that will be always on your side. Remember, there is always love, always.

Thanks a lot… Now I understand the importance of the family, but not all family are friendly to each family members. I don’t think all members will support each other since one person get married with the couple and is likely to change… Family should be our first priority, and love th